The other day I was perusing my local community library (WOO!! COMMUNITY LIBRARIES!!!) when a particular James Patterson book caught my eye. Now, I've always associated him with thriller novels, probably because the books that I've started of his were all Thriller novels, so I was very intrigued when I saw The $10,000,000 Marriage Proposal by James Patterson. This particular book is one of Patterson's line of "BookShots," books that are under 5 USD and less than 150 pages. The particular copy I had was only 117 pages, so I figured that I had nothing to lose. It's a pretty quick read, so it can't possibly be that bad, right? Well, boy was I wrong.
Before I bash the book too hard, let me give you some plot. Quick warning, there are SPOILERS AHEAD, so if you wish to read this book, watch out! (Don't worry, I'll tell you when the spoilers are over so you can uncover your eyes).
*********SPOILERS************
This book is about three women, Suze, Caroline, and Janey. None of these women have found love, and they are all fairly young and beautiful. Caroline is a humanitarian that works with children who have either been abandoned or are just need help (the book really is unclear), and she is currently living with her mother after her roommate kicked her out after getting engaged. Caroline's mother is a piece of work, having forced her daughter into multiple beauty pageants and acting auditions for much of her childhood. Caroline has a sister. I originally though this sister was very young (7-10) years old, but as the novella progresses, she seems to be older (maybe early teens) but it is difficult to tell. Suze and Janey are practically indistinguishable to the reader. They both work in prestigious jobs (Janey reads through scripts and proposes them to her network that has a super cheesy name like Flowerpot, and Suze is in the tech field? She funds technological projects? She invests in technology? Honestly, I'm not really sure what she does.) Both women are financially stable, and the only real difference is that Janey is a touch warmer, and she lost her job but quickly found a new one THE VERY NEXT DAY (if only this were realistic!).
At some point, all three of these women see a giant poster board on the side of the highway that reads:
"Will you marry me for $10,000,000?
I am a creative, open-minded businessman with limited time and desire to play the field. This is a serious proposal."The three women eventually enter the competition at the Staples Center and fill out a questionnaire. All three women advance to be interviewed, and then are invite to the mystery man's giant mansion. Okay, let's take a quick minute here: these women just signed up to marry a man with a ton of money without meeting him first, and with VERY LITTLE actual regard for their safety. What the actual fuck? Why? Why are they doing this? Two of them already have enough money, so only really Caroline is in it for the money. They claim that it's because of curiosity, but who the hell is so curious that they would join a weird contest for marriage? I get going to the Staples Center for the first stage. I would do the same thing out of curiosity. Besides, it's a harmless questionnaire with minimal personal information, who wouldn't be fine with this? The next stage is also fairly harmless. Just a nice little interview, kinda like a job interview. It's the last stage that REALLY gets to me. A limo pulls up to your house at ten pm, and tell you to get in. Do you get in? Of course not! Yet all three girls go in, with only one (Suze) having attempted to investigate the man behind this. She, of course, discovers nothing, BUT SHE STILL GETS IN THE DAMN CAR! What the heck is wrong with these women? If someone, I don't care how rich he is, that you have never met before sends a limo to take you to his creepy ass mansion (any mansion that you don't have the address of is instantly a creepy ass mansion).
Of course, nothing bad happens at the mansion. Instead, each girl meets two different "filters" (men that interview the women and pass on information to the actual millionaire who's identity is still not revealed) and then they go home. They are even given really fancy parting gifts, like diamond earrings and expensive watches. In the limo home, the girls meet each other and, despite the competition for the $10,000,000 dollars, they become fast friends.
Ugh. Literally, two thirds of this group come from really competitive fields. They should know that competition does not breed friendship! Seriously, this is so incredibly unrealistic that it makes me want to stab my eyes out a little. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Okay, rant over back to the plot.
Later that day, all three girls get rejection letters. One of them fights the letter (Either Suze or Janey - I honestly can't tell them apart) and are invited to his big shot company (think google but waaaay more ambiguous because I have no idea what this company actually does) for answers. Caroline is also invited for reasons that make no sense and are not addressed. Finally, Caroline meets the millionaire! And she is immediately stricken by him (surprise, surprise) and they decide to persue a relationship DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE ACTUALLY JUST REJECTED HER IN A LETTER AND CREEPILY BROUGHT HER TO HIS MANSION WITHOUT ACTUALLY MEETING HIM THERE!
**********SPOILERS OVER**********
Okay, so let's start with the good:
This book is very, very short. It's a great read for after finals (which is actually why I got it) because it's crazy fast and it requires literally zero thought.
It's interesting enough because the idea would make for an EPIC reality show (with a few moderations of course as very few women would turn down a man offering $10,000,000 just to marry him after selecting her from millions as the chosen one, and also being the perfect Prince Charming. I suggest a bachelor-esque show where the final woman has to choose between the man and an obscene amount of cash. If this ever happens, I call 10% of the profits!).
Now for the bad:
The characters are so cliched that I almost died. You have the classic callous-but-successful girl, the kinda-ditsy-but-also-successful-Hollywood type, the mysterious-but-super-rich man, and the sugary sweet-perfect-humanitarian-without-money girl who ends up getting the guy.
It's so predictable. Honestly, I picked up the book and I knew who was going to get the guy.
There is ZERO character development. Zero.
It's seriously the cheesiest romance novel ever. It was probably written in a total of a week, and the plot is downright pathetic. My seven year old sister tells me stories all the time that are WAY more interesting than this book.
The results?
This book was poorly written and was incredibly boring. It's only saving grace was that it was short, so the pain was not protracted as it could have been.
I give it:
One crappy pizza slice on a lame old paper plate. I would've given it none if it had been longer, but I appreciate the brevity.
Alright, that's all for now! Tune in next time when I review Stephen King's (actually Richard Bachman's) The Long Walk.
